Emotional labor is a term used to define how people manage their thoughts and feelings as well as the work done to understand the thoughts and feelings of someone else.  

First, I want to acknowledge how difficult it is to do a lot of emotional labor, especially when it needs to happen for a persons job. It can be very draining, mental work. The better we get at doing emotional labor the better we will understand ourselves and others. Some ways to get better: when you start to feel emotions, look within, think about why you’re feeling that way, what triggered you and how to move forward without letting that emotion take over. When you notice the emotions of others become analytical, think about why that person could be feeling that way, this is to provide empathy NOT to prescribe your own feelings on another person. Give yourself grace when you’re first getting started, the hardest thing is to be aware of what you’re saying and doing and why. Awareness will most likely come to you after the conversation or situation, sometimes, a long tome after. Eventually you will start to become aware closer and closer to the situation and you’ll continue learning until one day you are aware of things during the situation and you can start to shift your actions and reactions on the spot. 

Remember, if you need support working through this or learning how to become aware and do the emotional labor to better understand yourself and others you can reach out to set up your own complimentary discovery call! Happy Monday everyone! 

Your are worthy. You are strong. You are enough. 

This week’s blog is going to be a bit of a story time focusing around balance. Life balance, work balance, relationship balance, you name it.

When I was younger I had no sense of balance, I’m talking walking into walls... Granted I was 3 years old so that probably had something to do with it but still. As I grew up I stopped walking into walls but I continued to have no sense of balance, I would over work myself, over schedule myself and start tearing my own hair out due to stress. 

I’m not going to tell you some huge success story because honestly, I still struggle with it. What I will tell you is that just like most things, it takes practice. It’s easy to get lost in the every day but carving out those times for yourself is so important, especially now, among all the crazy world circumstances. Doing the work to educate yourself and those around you takes emotional labor - a term we will dive into next week - make sure that as you change the world, you’re also making time for yourself. I stress this point a lot in my blog and my work because I know what it’s like to not make time for yourself and to not be able to differentiate between yourself, what you want and others and what they want. Giving yourself the gift of a balanced life can help you spend the time with yourself to really delve into your own wants and needs. 

Remember, everyone needs someone, if you’d like a little extra push or a cheerleader to bring you through some difficult situations I’m here to help! Go to my services page to learn more about pricing or scheduling your complimentary discovery call. Have an awesome week! 

 There are 6 different aspects of self love as seen in the previous blog post. I've attached a wonderfully informational document I found on Pinterest that defines the different types.

​When you are making time for yourself and working on self love, remember to be intentional about the type of self love you show yourself. If you get a lot of social self love but not a lot of spiritual self love, focus on something spiritual. Also, acknowledge the self love that you do, if you let it go without acknowledgement it won't feel as momentous, it won't feel as comforting as if you take the time to sit with and give space to the love you're already giving yourself. 

I want to talk about giving grace, both to yourself and to those around you and even still to those you don't know. In this time of change and complete uncertainty it is important to give yourself grace. When you're feeling overwhelmed or stressed out give yourself grace, don't judge yourself or others too harshly, even baby steps make a difference. If all you can do is baby steps, take it. Rejoice in those baby steps. If you take a step in the wrong direction, acknowledge it, understand it and then move in a different direction. There is no "right" or "wrong" choice, there is only the choice you make. You are doing the best you can, give yourself some grace if you "mess up", find the lesson in your mistake and then give yourself the grace and the space to move forward from it. 

Remember, if you need help giving yourself grace and finding the space for yourself or others feel free to reach out for a coaching session or a discovery call.

I want to talk about your reservoir of self love. When you take care of yourself you fill up your reservoir of love, self love. When that reservoir is empty you can't take care of another person, there's no room. Maintaining your own reservoir is very important, not only for you but also for others. Having a full reservoir means you have more to give, you can show your love more freely because you aren't trying desperately to hold on to the small amount of love you have left. When love is abundant within yourself it makes it easier to love others. Being able to prioritize yourself with this mindset that it will ultimately help others will make it easier to take the time and space for yourself. Now the question is how?

We all know the trendy self care activities including, take a bubble bath, light some candles, put on a face mask, etc. However, there are actually more things you can do! You can meditate, connect with nature by taking a walk, connect with an old friend, play with animals, and so much more. Next week's blog post will go over the 6 different types of self love and what to do when you aren't nurturing that aspect so stay tuned!

Shout out to Just Break Up - a wonderful relationship advice podcast that eloquently discusses the reservoir of self love.

Standing up is one of the most brave and empowering things you can do. Standing up when the world is in a state of crisis is even more brave and even more empowering. 

Stand up for yourself, take the space you need. Standing up takes courage but you are capable, you are strong enough and you are worthy.

Now the question is how? 
     1. Take stock of your emotions when certain topics come up
     2. Sit with yourself and your feelings surrounding those topics
     3. Determine what you can do that will bring you back into alignment with yourself
     4. Now do it, stand up, ask for what you need and don't give up

Everyone is worthy of standing up and taking up space. 

#BlackLivesMatter

What makes you feel worthy?

What makes you feel worthy that isn't another person? That isn't tied to another person's approval?

It's important to be able to differentiate between what makes you feel worthy, just as you are, and what makes you feel worthy based on someone else's opinion of you or their approval of your choices. If you can identify when you're feeling intrinsically worthy and when you're searching for other people's approval you'll be able to figure out what makes you happy. The things that make you truly happy, truly proud of yourself are the ones that make you feel intrinsically worthy and have nothing to do with other people. Once you identify when you are looking for the approval of others you can start to dismantle it, you can start to catch yourself in the act and break it down. Once you've done that enough times you'll start to value the approval of others differently, it will be more of a boost to your own worthiness rather than an all encompassing reason to do something. 

Definition: "excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction". Also, "...a relationship that enables another person to maintain their irresponsible, addictive, or underachieving behavior"

How does it show up?
Low self-esteem, people pleasing, poor boundaries, high reactivity, care taking, searching for control, dysfunctional communications, obsessions, denial, intimacy problems, painful emotions. 

Questions you can ask yourself: 
~Do you expend all of your energy in meeting your partner’s needs?
~Do you feel trapped in your relationship?
~Are you the one that is constantly making sacrifices in your relationship?

If you answered "yes" to these questions you might be in a codependent relationship.

How can I do damage control on it?
~Relaxation is paramount - closing your eyes and relaxing each body part from your toes to your nose! Get a mindfulness/meditation app (I recommend insight timer).
~Turn your focus on yourself, remember that you are as important as your partner. 
~Get professional help! 


Sources:
~https://psychcentral.com/lib/symptoms-of-codependency/
~https://positivepsychology.com/codependency-definition-signs-worksheets/
~https://www.dummies.com/health/mental-health/codependency-for-dummies-cheat-sheet/

Resources For Getting Help:
~https://coda.org
~https://positivepsychology.com/codependency-definition-signs-worksheets/

We seem to have this idea that life is scarce. If you make one decision you've automatically lost out on all other opportunities. What if - hear me out here - what if life was abundant? What if you could have everything you've ever dreamed of? 

I'll give you a hint, you can! 

Life is not scarce, making one choice doesn't count you out of all other choices and opportunities. Whatever choice you make is the "right one" because it's the one you chose. There are many opportunities in the world, once a decision is made those opportunities don't necessarily go away, they simply change or they reappear when you're ready for them. To fully embrace life we have to acknowledge the fact that it's not scarce, it's abundant. 

If you're looking for a sign, this is it. The best thing you can do for yourself is show up. 

Show up to what you're scared to show up to.
Show up to what you've been avoiding.
Show up to everything like you've never shown up before. 

The least you can do for yourself is go to the things you feel a pull towards, show up for the conversations you are needing to have. If nothing else, be there. The first step to creating a happy life is figuring out what you want to do and showing up for it. Being there for yourself and for those around you is the best thing you can do, sometimes, it's the only thing you can do, and that's ok!

As always, if you need help figuring out what you want to show up to, contact me to set up a coaching session. Remember, show up!