Forgiveness is not a feeling, it's a choice.
Whether you have to forgive yourself or another person it is up to you to make the conscious choice to do so. I want to stress, first, that when you forgive you are doing so for your own benefit. Next, I want to stress that if you are forgiving another person you DO NOT have to tell them they are forgiven for it to be beneficial for you. In fact, in some cases that is not ideal. However, if you believe that you would have more closure if the person you are forgiving knew about the forgiveness then you can absolutely tell them. It is important to tell them for the right reasons, if you are searching for their reaction - that is not the right reason, that will not bring you peace. If you are searching for inner peace by speaking your piece, that could help you on the journey towards that goal.
Now the next question, how do you start the long journey of forgiveness? There are a lot of different ways we can go about this but I am simply going to share a few of the things I do and have done that have helped me.
1) Write out a list of the people who hurt me who need my forgiveness; write out a list of the people whom I have hurt who I would appreciate forgiveness from.
2) Meditate with a forgiveness mindset, go through the names, ask each for forgiveness or say "I forgive you", if you are having extreme difficulty with that last piece you can add "not for you but for myself".
3) Use your empathy to find meaning behind the pain, find the "silver lining" or the lesson the situation taught you and be grateful for that.
Forgiveness is a choice, it is not a feeling, you do not simply arrive there with no work. Doing the work to forgive those who have heart us can make the situation less hurtful and can make our lives more peaceful. So the question is; why not?
If you, or someone you know, is struggling with forgiveness (either of themselves or others) go to my contact page to set up your complimentary discovery call today. Together we will work to solve this problem for you!