Let’s talk about “the gap”.
The gap refers to a state of being, you’re not where you were but you’re not where you want to be. Does this sound familiar?
It should! We’ve all been in the gap before. If you haven’t been in the gap then you haven’t lived. The gap shouldn’t be feared, it should be celebrated! It means you’re making progress. Now, the gap may seem scary and dark but in reality there is light, there are moments of happiness, there are things to be grateful for.
when you find yourself in the gap it is best to do these three things:
1. Be Grateful! Everyone has something in their lives to be grateful for, even if it’s simply the breath you take.
2. Feel your success! Being in the gap means you aren’t where you used to be, that is amazing success.
3. Remind yourself of your destination! You are going somewhere, you have a goal, there is something you want to accomplish, if you aren’t there yet, that’s ok! It’s all about the process.
Living in the gap is not a scary thing. It’s something to be celebrated, to be excited for, to enjoy. Doing the three things listed above will help remind you to hold empathy for yourself but also to look ahead, to be excited for the direction you’re headed. Even if your journey is not a straight line, which, let’s be honest, none of them are!
Love your crooked journey for what it’s teaching you.
Alright readers, today we're going to tackle emotional pain versus physical pain. We're going to delve into a bit of research and then talk about some details and tips to help with the mental blocks!
There has been new research conducted by Tor Wager out of the University of Colorado in Boulder that says that although physical and emotional pain share a distinct brain "signature" they do not process these hurts in the same way. After conducting a study with 114 young adults, Wager found that the brains response to physical pain versus emotional pain was different, "there's a pattern of response to physical pain, but [it isn't seen] with emotional pain stimuli at all".
Wager also said that the participants feeling emotional pain did register the distress upon seeing the stimuli so the scans likely recorded current pain, not just pain from the past. What does this mean? "That may be why social pain is so painful: every time you remember it, you feel it all over again and that’s not true for physical pain" Wager says.
Now you might be asking, "what does this mean in my life?" Well, it means your emotional pain is very much as "real" as your physical pain. There is no reason to tell yourself "this doesn't hurt as bad as... breaking an arm, spraining an ankle, getting a concussion, etc. All of those hurts are exactly as painful as your emotional hurts. Possibly even less so, if every time we think of our prior emotional hurt we relive it, it can definitely be more painful and more detrimental to our well being than simply remembering a broken finger we once had.
Now, what are the tips? I'll tell you! When you go through an emotional hurt, no matter what it is, don't discount it! You are allowed to feel that pain, it's good to feel that pain, feeling that pain means you are working through it. When you go through an emotional hurt don't let it define you, feel the pain and hurt then let something come from that pain. Whether it's something creative, some self care, a renewed connection with someone, or simply some time to yourself. We can't go through life letting our emotional hurt control us, for us to move on something has to come of it, feeling productive or successful are some of the best small steps. Even if your success is a tiny one it should be celebrated, which brings us to the last tip, celebrate your wins! If your emotional hurt does start to take over find something small you can do and complete so that you can feel successful and/or productive. You deserve to feel good!
Alright, let's talk about resourcefulness! Most of you probably know what resourcefulness means in relation to having a job; overcoming difficulties easily, finding useful tools/ideas/objects. But what does it mean in relation to ourselves? The actual definition is as follows; having the ability to find quick and clever ways to overcome difficulties. It's not "why can't I" it's "how can I". Being resourceful is all about changing your mindset, instead of looking at things and seeing the negative characteristics or pieces of the situation it's about finding the places you could fill in, figuring out what next steps to take to fix the issue, no matter how small. Now the question is, how do we do this?
1. Look for ways to be better.
-Before the crisis happens figure out how to be better, more educated, quicker turn around, etc. That way, you are prepared, constantly evolving and have less of an adverse reaction to the change that comes with overcoming difficulties.
2. Make connections.
-Talk to people, find out who is good at what and create relationships with them. That way, when the difficulty arises you have someone you can call on, someone that can either help you or knows someone else who can.
3. Educate yourself
-Knowledge is half the battle when it comes to being resourceful, when a situation comes up it will be easier to deal with you have knowledge about the topic or situation. You will have a quicker time coming up with a solution if you have the knowledge to back it up.
Resourcefulness is not something you are born with, it is not inherent. It is something you learn to be, it is something you do. A person can become resourceful by working at it. These 3 tips will help you get started on your way to being resourceful!
A little background about Rumi before jumping into the quote we are going to process today. Rumi was a 13th century Persian poet originally from Greater Iran, he was known for his work being transcendent of national and cultural barriers.
Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
Let's break this down a little. I don't know about you but when I read this quote my whole body did a knowing "ohhhh yep" in recognition of how important this work is. Truly acknowledging and understanding our own walls and barriers is one of the most important first steps to truly moving through and processing our own thoughts, feelings, actions and emotions. The beginning of this quote acknowledges the act of knowing that you do not have to seek love, love is already around you, it is already there. You simply have to go within and look for the areas that you find yourself resisting, the areas where you think about doing the work and then go "oh no", those are the areas that are most important. Sometimes it is worth it to work through things on our own and sometimes it is more beneficial to work through things with another, either a friend or professional. Once you have found those barriers to love, the ones you thought were in your way, the next step is to recognize that those barriers are not keeping you from love, love is already there. Those barriers were most likely put there to protect you except now they are no longer serving you, recognize them, acknowledge them and then let them go.
As always, if you or someone you know needs help working through this, finding their barriers to love and taking them down, feel free to contact me to set up a coaching session.
I support individuals who find their lives are unbalanced, whether that's from working too much, having unhealthy relationships with themselves or others, or simply needing more from their lives.