Forgiveness is not a feeling, it's a choice.
Whether you have to forgive yourself or another person it is up to you to make the conscious choice to do so. I want to stress, first, that when you forgive you are doing so for your own benefit. Next, I want to stress that if you are forgiving another person you DO NOT have to tell them they are forgiven for it to be beneficial for you. In fact, in some cases that is not ideal. However, if you believe that you would have more closure if the person you are forgiving knew about the forgiveness then you can absolutely tell them. It is important to tell them for the right reasons, if you are searching for their reaction - that is not the right reason, that will not bring you peace. If you are searching for inner peace by speaking your piece, that could help you on the journey towards that goal.
Now the next question, how do you start the long journey of forgiveness? There are a lot of different ways we can go about this but I am simply going to share a few of the things I do and have done that have helped me.
1) Write out a list of the people who hurt me who need my forgiveness; write out a list of the people whom I have hurt who I would appreciate forgiveness from.
2) Meditate with a forgiveness mindset, go through the names, ask each for forgiveness or say "I forgive you", if you are having extreme difficulty with that last piece you can add "not for you but for myself".
3) Use your empathy to find meaning behind the pain, find the "silver lining" or the lesson the situation taught you and be grateful for that.
Forgiveness is a choice, it is not a feeling, you do not simply arrive there with no work. Doing the work to forgive those who have heart us can make the situation less hurtful and can make our lives more peaceful. So the question is; why not?
If you, or someone you know, is struggling with forgiveness (either of themselves or others) go to my contact page to set up your complimentary discovery call today. Together we will work to solve this problem for you!
This week I want to empower people to be proud of themselves. I know that a lot of people, as children, are not told that they are someone to be proud of and that in itself can be very disempowering. It's another way to say that you are not enough.
There is a difference, however, between being proud of your accomplishments for your own emotional well-being versus using your accomplishments to diminish someone else's. Of course, the kind of proud we want to be is proud of ourselves for ourselves because that is what is going to give you healing. Recognizing your accomplishments for yourself will help you feel empowered to continue reaching for a goal or completing a task or simply filling up your own emotional tank.
Here's what you can do:
1. Write your accomplishments down, your reasons to be proud
2. Sit with each of these accomplishments and think about what you learned from it
3. Close your eyes and let those accomplishments and lessons wash over you
4. Feel proud - write down how it feels in your body when you are proud, do you smile? Tilt your head back? Hold your head higher?
Once you acknowledge yourself for your accomplishments, good deeds and efforts you will start to feel your emotional tank fill. You will feel more self assured without ever having to hold those accomplishments over the head of someone else, you won't be looking for that validation from elsewhere since you will already have given it to yourself.
If you are struggling thinking of your own accomplishments, good deeds and/or efforts please feel free to reach out to schedule a coaching session. Being aware of your successes instead of just your mistakes will help you move through the world in a more productive and balanced way.
Emotional labor is a term used to define how people manage their thoughts and feelings as well as the work done to understand the thoughts and feelings of someone else.
Emotional labor is defined as putting energy into dealing with the feelings of others, putting them at ease without self-regard or meeting social expectations.
First, I want to acknowledge how difficult it is to do a lot of emotional labor, especially when it needs to happen for a persons job. It can be very draining, mental work. The better we get at doing emotional labor the better we will understand ourselves and others. Some ways to get better: when you start to feel emotions, look within, think about why you’re feeling that way, what triggered you and how to move forward without letting that emotion take over. When you notice the emotions of others become analytical, think about why that person could be feeling that way, this is to provide empathy NOT to prescribe your own feelings on another person. Give yourself grace when you’re first getting started, the hardest thing is to be aware of what you’re saying and doing and why. Awareness will most likely come to you after the conversation or situation, sometimes, a long tome after. Eventually you will start to become aware closer and closer to the situation and you’ll continue learning until one day you are aware of things during the situation and you can start to shift your actions and reactions on the spot.
Remember, if you need support working through this or learning how to become aware and do the emotional labor to better understand yourself and others you can reach out to set up your own complimentary discovery call! Happy Monday everyone!
Your are worthy. You are strong. You are enough.