What makes you feel worthy?
What makes you feel worthy that isn't another person? That isn't tied to another person's approval?
It's important to be able to differentiate between what makes you feel worthy, just as you are, and what makes you feel worthy based on someone else's opinion of you or their approval of your choices. If you can identify when you're feeling intrinsically worthy and when you're searching for other people's approval you'll be able to figure out what makes you happy. The things that make you truly happy, truly proud of yourself are the ones that make you feel intrinsically worthy and have nothing to do with other people. Once you identify when you are looking for the approval of others you can start to dismantle it, you can start to catch yourself in the act and break it down. Once you've done that enough times you'll start to value the approval of others differently, it will be more of a boost to your own worthiness rather than an all encompassing reason to do something.
Definition: "excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction". Also, "...a relationship that enables another person to maintain their irresponsible, addictive, or underachieving behavior"
How does it show up?
Low self-esteem, people pleasing, poor boundaries, high reactivity, care taking, searching for control, dysfunctional communications, obsessions, denial, intimacy problems, painful emotions.
Questions you can ask yourself:
~Do you expend all of your energy in meeting your partner’s needs?
~Do you feel trapped in your relationship?
~Are you the one that is constantly making sacrifices in your relationship?
If you answered "yes" to these questions you might be in a codependent relationship.
How can I do damage control on it?
~Relaxation is paramount - closing your eyes and relaxing each body part from your toes to your nose! Get a mindfulness/meditation app (I recommend insight timer).
~Turn your focus on yourself, remember that you are as important as your partner.
~Get professional help!
Resources For Getting Help:
We seem to have this idea that life is scarce. If you make one decision you've automatically lost out on all other opportunities. What if - hear me out here - what if life was abundant? What if you could have everything you've ever dreamed of?
I'll give you a hint, you can!
Life is not scarce, making one choice doesn't count you out of all other choices and opportunities. Whatever choice you make is the "right one" because it's the one you chose. There are many opportunities in the world, once a decision is made those opportunities don't necessarily go away, they simply change or they reappear when you're ready for them. To fully embrace life we have to acknowledge the fact that it's not scarce, it's abundant.
If you're looking for a sign, this is it. The best thing you can do for yourself is show up.
Show up to what you're scared to show up to.
Show up to what you've been avoiding.
Show up to everything like you've never shown up before.
The least you can do for yourself is go to the things you feel a pull towards, show up for the conversations you are needing to have. If nothing else, be there. The first step to creating a happy life is figuring out what you want to do and showing up for it. Being there for yourself and for those around you is the best thing you can do, sometimes, it's the only thing you can do, and that's ok!
As always, if you need help figuring out what you want to show up to, contact me to set up a coaching session. Remember, show up!