Your personal feelings about people, situations, things, experiences, etc. are all based on your thoughts. This might be incredibly obvious to some but I really want you to sit in that for a second. Your feelings are based on your thoughts. That makes it obvious, then, that if you can change your thoughts; you can change your feelings. It doesn't, however, work the other way around, you can't change your feelings first. So, here's how to change your feelings, make a new truth for yourself.
Let's say you feel angry towards a family member. You can't change that feeling but you can change the thought behind that feeling.
Before you can do that though you have to really understand the thought, not the surface thoughts that are meant to distract you, the true, deep thought. The one that might hurt to realize or might struggle coming out. That's the thought you have to really understand. So, if you're looking to change a feeling look deep within yourself, sit with the feeling for awhile and figure out what the true thought is, then rewrite a different thought. Instead of "I'm angry because..." you could say "I was hurt but I'm recovering" or "I was angry but I'm moving on"
Happy Monday Everyone!
I think this week's topic is currently relevant to so many of us, it's the idea that circumstances are outside of our control. This idea is most clear right now, in these uncertain times. You cannot control a circumstance. What you can control is how you respond. In the case of the world right now; you cannot control the fact that restaurants are closing, you can't control the disease spreading but you can control the protective measures you take for yourself and your community. This is an extreme example but hopefully helps get the point across. In other situations it might look like; you can't control losing your job, but you can control your response. You can either pull yourself up and go find another job or you can sit and wallow. Only one of those options will fix your circumstances. It doesn't serve you to be angry with the circumstances, they won't change. What you can do is feel that anger, let it run through you and then channel it into appropriate action.
Now, let's take it one step further; you cannot control people. Another person has their own autonomy, their own choices. You can't decide things for them, as hard as that may be. Giving yourself autonomy means giving others their autonomy as well. You can't make someone do something or decide a certain way, you might try to influence someone but I guarantee they will find the choice that suits them in the end, it might take a lot longer because they went down their "wrong" path but they will eventually find their "right" path.
Remember, you can only control yourself, you cannot control circumstances or people.
Stay safe out there!
Happy Tuesday Everyone!
I want to build a bit on last week's topic. But first, I want to acknowledge the crazy times we're in. Try to make time to do things that will feel like self care, I know for some people that seems simple because you have a lot of free time now but I urge you to be more purposeful with your self care in these stressful times. Hopefully it will help keep the stress at bay for a few hours.
Now, on to our topic! Last week I wrote about how people are doing the best they can with the knowledge and information they have at the time. While this is definitely true, it can also be true that their best simply isn't good enough. The root of forgiveness is recognizing that the person who wronged you was doing the best they could at the time and realizing that their best wasn't good enough.
I also want to quickly touch on forgiving ourselves, it's easy to get caught up in "I could have done this" or "I should have done that" but realistically, hindsight is 20/20. Forgiving ourselves means realizing that we were doing the best we could with the knowledge and resources we had in the moment that we wronged someone else. This also applies to the moment we wronged ourselves, just because you hurt yourself previously doesn't mean you can't do better for you, and for those around you.
Remember to take care of yourselves this week!
The people that hurt you are doing the best they can with the knowledge, resources and information they have at the time.
I have a friend who's going through a heartbreak and reminding her that the person she was with is and was doing the best he could seems to help a lot. Here's why; remembering that people are doing the best they can, always, takes the pressure off of you. It's not your fault, it's not their fault, it's not anyone's fault. No one is to blame. The person that hurt you was and is simply doing the best they could. That doesn't mean it doesn't hurt, or that it doesn't matter that they hurt you, it just means there's no one to blame. When there's no one to blame it becomes easier to move on, you don't have to stay angry. Recognizing there's no one to blame gives you the space to grieve but also the space to move on and not sit in your anger or resentment. If you're also needing to forgive yourself; you did the best you could with the knowledge, resources and information you had at the time. No one is to blame.
Happy Monday, take care of yourselves this week! And remember, moving on means recognizing that you did all you could do but also that the other person did all they could do.